The Value of Community in Healing

Written by Makeda Pennycooke

A few weeks ago I heard someone say they didn’t know how to heal in community. These words have come back to me multiple times since I first heard them. They’ve caused me to reflect on my own journey and the role community has played in the process of healing for me.

Almost nine years ago, the entire foundation upon which my life was built crumbled under me. I describe that season of my life as being in the middle of the ocean with a category 5 hurricane brewing around me. I’m trying to move from one ship to another, but neither ship is anchored and at any moment I could fall into the ocean and die.

I held in my body a deep sense of being unsafe, uncertain, and untethered. It was truly one of the most difficult times of my life. What got me through those years, were the people around me who listened and witnessed my journey.

The friend who let me cry on her couch when it all became too much. The priest who held my hand and patiently guided me through the seemingly endless unanswerable questions I was asking at the time. A new friend who, though she was navigating her own challenges, regularly met with me for breakfast and listened without judgment to my ramblings. And the circle of women I gathered with weekly who offered their perspectives on things as I sought to find my footing again.

These and countless others provided an anchor for me as I found my way through the rubble that was my life at the time. They helped me wade through it all to find what was salvageable and what I needed to let go of permanently. They helped me put the pieces of my life back together. More than that, though, they helped put ME back together again.

We Hurt and Heal in Community

Often, our hurts happen in relationships. They happen from events that usually involve other people. We are wounded in community and we need community to help us reimagine a different way of being. And to be clear, that requires a different community than the one that harmed us.

This article speaks to the value of connecting with others to heal. Though it is several years old, the author’s words still ring true today. In it, he references the book Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy and quotes cardiologist Dean Ornish on the healing power of connection:

“I am not aware of any other factor in medicine — not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery — that has a greater impact on our quality of life or incidence of illness [than connection].”

The one-on-one work of therapy or counseling is important. AND for healing to truly be complete, we need a group of people around us to support the integration of what we are uncovering in therapy.

No Man is An Island

No man is an island. We are hard-wired for connection and we need it most when we are most inclined to pull away from it.

As an introvert and a homebody, tucking away into myself is very much my go-to strategy. Yet, as I find myself dealing with another challenging season, my community of family and friends is once again gathering around me. They are reminding me that hiding or attempting to do this on my own will not work in the long run.

As you face your own challenges, I encourage you to find a group of people to support you. Whatever that looks like for you, my hope is that you will experience the profound healing power of community.

From my heart to yours,
Makeda

Silence: A Poem