Setting Yourself Free
Written by Mazi Robinson
When we are hurt by someone, it can feel like we are tied to them because our minds get stuck on a loop replaying the hurt over and over in our minds. The person's words and actions play over and over like a movie we can't turn off. The words we wish we had said or could say repeat over and over keeping us locked in the past.
We long to stop hurting. We long to stop replaying. We long to get out of the loop.
We long to be free.
How do we reach that place of healing and freedom?
Healing is intrapersonal. It happens WITHIN us. It is a choice we make to start on a healing journey. Healing doesn't just happen. It is, indeed, work.
In some ways, it would be so much easier if someone else could heal us, if we could put that responsibility on someone else's shoulders. It would feel more "fair" if the person who broke our heart had to do something to then put it back together.**
Yes, we may long for that acknowledgement and apology from the person who hurt us, and perhaps we believe that if they would just acknowledge our pain, then we would be able to move on. But when we wait for someone else to do something so that we can experience healing, we stay tied to that person. We stay chained to that hurt.
But... we can break free. We can find healing.
How?
Because we hold the key to our own healing and freedom.
For some of us, that truth is going to feel empowering, and for others, it feels frustrating and unfair.
But here's why that truth is good news:
We don't have to wait on someone else.
We don't have to wait for them to realize they hurt us.
We don't have to wait on the apology.
We don't have to wait on their self awareness to grow.
We don't have to wait for them to get healthy.
We don't have to wait on them to get sober.
We don't have to have our emotional wellbeing hitched to their train.
Friend, your freedom does not depend on that other person.
You can say enough. You can say now is the time. You can break those chains that hold yourself to the past... and you can set yourself... Free.
*Our individual healing is intrapersonal work- it happens within us. But relationship reconciliation requires two people. Reconciliation requires an apology from the person who hurt you and behavior change on their part. To be fully reconciled with someone and to fully trust them again, those two elements must be in place.
Mazi Robinson
Mazi Robinson is a licensed professional counselor and speaker specializing in helping women discover their true voice as they navigate self worth/self esteem challenges, relationship concerns, and life stage transitions.
In addition to her work as a therapist, Mazi maintains an active speaking schedule presenting workshops on topics such as anxiety, healing, self worth, healthy relationships, personal growth, mental health in the workplace, and purposeful living.
Mazi is the Founder and Director of Cultivate. Through its counseling center and bi-monthly gatherings, Cultivate encourages women to cultivate joy, courage, and freedom in their lives as they pursue emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
Mazi resides in Atlanta, GA with her husband and two sons. She is an avid FRIENDS fan, loves dinner on a porch with friends, and is passionate about telling women they are worthy and loved by a good God.