BETTER
Written by Sarah Bourns Crosby
I hate doing hard things.
I quit easily. I give up quickly. I resist those tasks that require extra effort.
When the going gets tough…I do not get going.
On a family trip to Lake Tahoe a few summers ago, my resistance to perseverance came to a head.
I was single and had recently turned 39 years old, which felt like a nail in the coffin of my longing to be a wife and a mother.
So I decided to simply give up hoping for my own family one day.
I thought, perhaps, that would make it easier. I thought, if I could turn off my heart, it wouldn't hurt so much.
In tears, I told my sisters one night that I was done hoping, done trying, done praying.
And in tears, they lovingly replied, NO MA'AM YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE NOT.
They knew hope was hard, yes. They knew hope hurt, yes.
They also knew I needed to go after hope with all my heart. To do whatever it would take. To learn to be brave.
I was so afraid to risk.
I thought I wanted to quit.
But what I really needed was grit.
Later that trip, I joined a long, hard hike with my brother and brothers-in-law and nearly turned around several times. But we finally reached the top and I saw why people do hard things.
The view is better from the peak.
Also that same week, I watched my niece, Audrey, learning to ride a bike. Much like her aunt, she struggled to take risks, to not quit, to be a beginner. But as she persevered, her grit grew, her legs got stronger, and she was finally able to take off the training wheels.
And, oh, the fun she had.
…
I still hate doing hard things.
But I’m learning that sometimes the harder way is actually the better way.
Today, by the mercies and miracles of Jesus, I am a wife and mom.
And, wow, it is hard.
But, oh, it is so so good.
I wrote the poem below soon after that vacation in Tahoe as a note-to-self to keep pressing in and pressing on.
I share it with you here as a blessing for our collective perseverance, resilience, and courage.
I hope you keep hoping. I hope you keep going.
Whether it's a long hike, learning to ride a bike, or risking your heart for love and new life, may we do the better thing today.
Even if it's harder.
Better
a poem by Sarah Bourns Crosby
It’s easier to stay in the valley
Than hike to the peak.
It’s easier to follow the pack
Than move into the lead.
It’s easier to begin
Than see it through to the end.
It’s easier to check out
Than to lean all the way in.
It’s easier to give up
Than to do it imperfectly.
It’s easier to stay safe
Than take off the training wheels.
It’s easier to turn back
Than to push on ahead.
It’s easier to stay stuck
Than to take the next step.
It’s easier to blame others
Than to own your own stuff.
It’s easier to keep silent
Than learn to speak up.
It’s easier to be broken
Than choose to be brave.
It’s easier to hold back
Than to let go and live.
It’s easier.
But it’s not better.
The view is better from the peak.
The reward is richer from the lead.
The joy is deeper when you get to the end.
The connection is closer when you lean all the way in.
You get far more done imperfectly.
You have far more fun with no training wheels.
Your legs get stronger as you push on ahead.
Your heart beats faster when you risk the next step.
There’s growth when you own your own stuff.
There’s grace when you learn to speak up.
There’s healing when you choose to be brave.
There’s freedom when you let go and live.
It’s harder.
But it’s better.
May we choose today what is better.
Sarah Bourns Crosby
Sarah writes poetry and prose around themes of loss, longing, waiting, hope, and God’s faithfulness. Her printed works include devotional guides for Advent and Holy Week, available at sarahbournscrosby.com.
Sarah also enjoys offering spiritual direction and cultivating sacred space to listen to God and to our own souls.
She lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband and their adorable twin boys.